While the rates of other risky behaviors in adolescents have declined by some amount, underage drinking remains a problem for the nation’s teens. Part of the problem is that many parents and teens see underage drinking as a rite of passage in our society – something that is bad, but not nearly as bad as other behaviors. However, whereas it was thought that marijuana was a “gateway” drug that leads to using “harder” drugs, alcohol actually causes more teens to be harmed than marijuana and other drugs. While most parents don’t feel that they have a lot of influence in the lives of their teens, they actually do – if they are willing to take control of the situation and make their wishes known. While not an exhaustive list, the following tips can help parents broach this subject with their teen and really be heard.
1. Talk frankly with your teen about drinking – The fastest way to get a teen to stop listening to you is to say “Do as I say, not as I do.” While there are things that adults can do that teens can’t, parents need to remember that they are role models for their children. When a parent’s words don’t match their actions, teen will take from the exchange whatever best suits their needs.
2. Take a firm stance on underage drinking – Parents should have a zero-tolerance policy regarding underage drinking. While some parents feel that it’s okay for their kids to drink at home, this sends a mixed message to their own children as well as other teens that may be at the house. Consistency is key for all kids, teens included. Once parents establish a stance on underage drinking, they need to follow through on it. Setting a zero-tolerance stance then ignoring it doesn’t solve the problem and actually invites more issues than it solves.
3. Listen, don’t judge – Another really quick way to get a teen to tune you out is to say, “Your friends aren’t that important.” Peers are essential to teens and their development. They are shifting their reliance from family connections to peer connections in order to establish relationships for their futures. When teens with a strong relationship are interacting with each other, they generally don’t judge each other; they listen. Parents need to do the same. If your child feels that you are listening to them, they will be more likely to tell you honestly their thoughts and feelings which also allows you to share your thoughts with them.
4. Teach how to answer the objection – Students aren’t born knowing refusal skills; they must be taught these skills by an adult they trust. Many school-based programs have a low success rate as kids tend to tune out these programs, particularly at the middle and high school levels. Most students feel that teachers don’t have the right to tell them what to do; only their parents can do so. Therefore, parents must take advantage of that “right” and teach kids how to say no effectively and realistically. While some “canned” responses work, in reality, many don’t. Parents need to give kids strong, workable ways to refuse and not lose face.
5. Keep lines of communication open — Teens most likely won’t come to you to talk about concerns or problems they might be having so it is up to the parent to make the effort to keep the lines of communication open. Timing is essential; don’t simply approach your child at a random time and tell them not to drink alcohol. Kids need to feel safe when discussing sensitive topics. You know your child best. Many parents find that drive time is a great time to talk with their teens as they are a captive audience and they are in a quiet setting which will allow a meaningful exchange to happen. Your child needs to know they can come to you, even if they have violated your expectations. You would rather have to pick up your child in an inebriated state than have them drive impaired and be injured or killed.
Talking about underage drinking with your teen can be a touchy, uncomfortable situation. However, parents must be willing to have the conversation in order to keep their child safe. By remaining approachable and open with your teen, you will be able to have these tough discussions and know your teen understands your viewpoint and hears you.
Samantha Hawkins is a professional blogger that discusses criminal defense related topics. She writes for Musca Law, a leading Florida Criminal Defense law firm.
