Oh, doesn’t she look so sweet. My toddler, Maddie is sitting on my bed holding one of our puppies. Man, she sure does look happy and sweet. Yes, until I took that puppy away and put him with his mommy to eat. WOW, you would have though her little life was coming to an end. ”NO, MOM.” That’s what I heard, I don’t think any parents like or appreciate their sweet little toddler saying, “NO.”
If you haven’t already figured it out, the word “NO” is one of most toddlers favorite words. They love to say it, you hear it about everything. “No, I don’t want to eat”, when in fact you know they are hungry. It’s not easy to listen to your toddler tell you no over and over, day after day. It’s enough to make any parent want to pull their hair out, maybe even wonder if you did something wrong.
Take a deep breath, it’s okay you did not do anything wrong. There is a reason your toddler says “no”, and several things you can do to help that word no vanish.
One thing to remember is your toddler is a mini-me, a repeat. They repeat and learn what they hear, and let’s face it, it can be easy to tell your toddler no fifty times a day and no realize how much you’re saying it. “No don’t get into those cookies.” Obviously toddlers hear the word a lot, it’s easy to say, and it’s likely they learn what it means rather quickly.
Here’s a few things you can do to get your toddler to stop saying no.
Stop saying no. There’s other ways to let your toddler know they cannot do that. Something I have found experimentally useful is taking the time to explain. “Baby, we cannot pick the puppy up my it’s tail. It can hurt them.” That is much more effective than, “NO, put the puppy down.”
Open-ended question. Okay, this is something I learned at work. Asking open-ended questions doesn’t give a person the chance to say no. Of course we take this down to a toddler level, but it’s very effective. Here’s something I have started doing at dinner time. Rather than asking closed ended question, ask an open-ended question such as: “Would you like peas or carrots with dinner tonight.” That works much better than, “Do you want peas with dinner.”
Explain why you’re telling them no. Don’t tell your toddler no, and grab something out of their hand. Another approach is, “No, we play in the toilet. It can make you very sick.” Yes, I have practiced all these, lol. The word “No” doesn’t require any thought, it’s a face response and almost comes out automatically when our toddler is up to no good. Even words such as, “Stop” normally receive a better response.
There’s also “The Look.” Most of us parents have it, our children know we are serious by the expression we have on our face. It might sound a little crazy, but mater this look. When you child is doing something they shouldn’t be rather than shouting now, simply say their name and give them that look. You can even tell them something along the line of, “you know better than that.” Yes, let’s face it parents do have that look about them that lets one know they mean business. Do you remember that look your parents gave you, the one that made you stop dead in your tracks, put your head down, and maybe even say sorry.
Since we have “The Look”, you know there’s the voice too. Use the-I’m serious tone of voice that gets your point across. I’m a pretty easy-going mom, but when I mean business my children know it. I have a stern voice that stops then dead in their tracks. Yes, even my toddler. It doesn’t take long for your toddler to understand what certain looks and tones mean.
Ignore it. Let’s face it, they say “No” because they’re looking for a response from us. I ignored my toddler saying “no”, and added peas on her plate anyway. Smiling and laughing, even cracked a funny face that made her laugh. She ate her peas, and didn’t even complain. She did however ask me to make the face over and over again.
Understand what no can mean. I think this is something we all need to stop and take a look at. It’s so easy to get mad at our toddler when they shout out “No.” There’s also times when your toddler can be using the word “No” because they want something from you. They know they can grab your attention by saying no, they are not thinking of the outcome. They are thinking, they want a huge, kiss, to play, they want some attention from you. Always keep that in the back of your mind. Could your toddler be acting out because they need more attention from you? This is something that I had to stop and take a long look at. I’m aware this isn’t always the case, but it’s definitely something to think about if it becomes a major problem
While the word “No” is part of being a toddler, it’s important to pay attention. It’s easy to get busy with work, cooking dinner, homework, laundry, dishes, and everything else life tosses in our way. The last thing we want as a parent is our children acting out because we are not giving them enough attention. In the end, I really feel like our toddler act out at times because they need something and don’t exactly know how to say it or express it.
Just remember to stay positive and each day that passes you’re one day closer to them not saying no. That is until they reach their teen years, but that’s a whole different post, lol. I have a teen too, so there is never a dull moment at our home. I’m working on teaching all my children not to lie. There’s always something going on here, lol. The adventures of being a parent.
What are a few things you have done to keep your toddlers, No’s to a minimum?
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As annoying as it is, it’s developmentally a good sign when they go through that “no” phase – they are getting used to the idea of being their own person and setting themselves apart from mom. So while you have lots of good suggestions to spin it into something less trying for the grownups, the best thing is to not get any more hung up on it than all the other normal phases!
So far so good with my 2 year old granddaughter!!!
I wish my granddaughter would stop saying no. She says no to everything from whether do you want to go outside to do you want something to drink and then gets mad when you listen to her
Fantastic blog Jenn. I really enjoyed it and hope to be able to implement this with just not a toddler but adults too!
HAHAHAHA! AGREED! TEENS, ADULTS,
Have you considered that it’s good and healthy for a child to say no? Saying no is a child;s way of establishing their own authority. Shocking, I know, in today’s world, but letting a child say no – in an appropriate time/place – is acceptable! If they’re saying it when it’s not appropriate, you simply correct them and go on. Just my old and experienced opinion.
Ugh my 16 month old has started doing this…only she shakes her head no and says “uh uh” which means no….I guess it’s good that she “get’s it” though!
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You are so right about the look. But, remember, if you aree wearing sunglasses, it may not work! I found that out one day many summers ago, lol.
LOL you’re so funny… I could totally see myself giving “the look” and wondering what is going on why everyone is ignoring me lol
Ha ha! You don’t! She’ll grow out of it and into a new phase.She’s so adorable!
My daughter right now is in the terrible two’s stage. I can’t wait for her to get out of it.
Yes, every child goes through that stage, but how long that stage lasts is another story. Your article has made some very good suggestions to stop your child from saying “no”. As you indicated, most of the time the child is craving attention, and many times, when you give that attention, the child will forget about saying the word “no”.
I have a four year old that thinks she rules the roost, and NO is also her favorite word. I feel for you Jenn, because i do not know what to do either. If you come up with some ideas let me know, and i promise I will do the same. Thanks!
Fantastic post!.. was nice reading it..
Your daughter is adorable! My daughter and 1 son had ,ADD and, I would probsa one ting the doctor told me to do even as they were preschoolers, was to offer them a toy to distract them. In the case of your daughter, I might have said, “Ok sweetie, we have to put the puppy back with his Mommy. She misses him (or he is hungry and needs to eat.) Do you want to put him back with his Mommy, or do you want me to do it.) When we visited my Mom who had antiques, or pretties as we called them, if they picked something, I would say,”Look what Mommy has (one of their toys and I would trade it for the pretty. It didn’t always help, but it did work pretty good. I love,love your blog! Wish I had the blog when mine were young!
Thanks Pam! Really appreciate your comment… IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO START A BLOG! YOU HAVE SO MUCH EXPERIENCE THAT IS VALUABLE TO ALL US MOMS… IT WOULD BE AWESOME IF YOU SHARED! IF YOU EVER WANT TO START ONE, LET ME KNOW I WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO HELP
Hi… Sorry about the mistakes in the first line. Sometimes my fingers have a mind of their own. LOL Anyway …
Trying to figure out if your kids are lying to you is something you’ll have to become an expert at..I suggest watching some Judge Judy for tips, I have learned many tricks from her, and I have 5 kids that I’m raising who don’t bother to lie to me anymore…they think I have special Mom powers, LOL
This happened to my 2nd child too! I ended up call him ‘Mr. No! I have to say, as he grows older, the habit of saying ‘no’ is getting less. I think it’s because he can communicate better-use more words now than before…
Thanks for the tips. we are currently dealing with this issue!