My husband and I split up a little over a year ago. Things just were not going the way they were supposed to. Neither one of us appreciated each other, nor did we spend quality time together. I think we got sucked into a routine, daily life. Our day was work, home, kids, homework, dinner, baths, and bed. Everything was repetitive, and our once loving relationship was now gone. Needless to say we did not have a healthy marriage, and we’re lacking a lot of things every marriage should have.
We were apart for six months before we jumped back into things. We wanted to be sure things were going to work, there’s no reason to tear children back and forth. Really it’s not fair.
Let me tell you our separation was truly the best thing that could have happened to us. We’re so different, we take time to make sure one anther’s needs are meet. So where did we go wrong? What do we do different now? Here’s a few things you can do to keep your marriage alive.
Communication – I have to say communication is the key to a healthy relationship. You have to be able to talk to your spouse about many different subjects. First you have to know your spouse is approachable. You cannot tell them they can talk to you and when they do allow it to turn into an argument. Listen, be understanding. Agree on things.
My husband and I talk about our days, but we also talk about things we’re doing that might bother one another. We now also tell each other how much we matter, and how much we appreciate something the other has done.
I can admit it, I used to get upset at my husband because he didn’t 100% complete something. Rather than realizing he works hard, and actually took the time to build me a shelf. I would get upset and make him feel back because it was missing a screw or something stupid. Yes, I admit what I did wrong.
Time – You have to take time our of your busy day for one another. Don’t get caught up in the daily routine and forget about your spouse. Seriously, this is what hurt our marriage so badly. We did not spend time with each other. We went to work, came home, did homework, laundry, dinner, and everything else that needed done every single day. By the time we were done, we took a shower and went to bed. We never made time to talk, really in the end I think we lost each other.
We now spend time every single day with each other. Whether it’s lunch together at the house, laying in bed for 30 minutes to an hour before bed, or even cooking dinner together. Regardless of what it is, or how little it is we spend time doing it every single day. We laugh everyday, and pick on our children everyday, lol.
Quality Time – We spend time together every day, but you also have to spend quality time together too. Just the two of you, go on a date, put the kids in bed early and watch a movie or even play an online game with your partner which would definitely bring out the fun factor. Sites like Ladbrokes.com have plenty of games on offer that range from arcade games to virtual sports games that are ideal for both of you. .
You should try to do something just the two of you once a week, and if you’re not able to get away that often once every other week. If you don’t have a sitter, do it while the kids are in bed. Have a date night, have fun, and spend time hanging out with your lover. Laugh together, act silly, be crazy, having fun. Remember why you love the person sleeping next to you.
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Say I Love You – Showing your spouse that you love them is important, but you have to say it too. We’re not mind readers, and I cannot speak for everyone but I love it when my husband looks me in the eyes and tells me he loves me. My heart melts, and I know he feels the same way.
Do What They Want – Remember marriage isn’t selfish, it’s important to put your own needs and wants aside now and then and spend time doing what your husband/wife wants. Keep the spark alive, do little things out of the blue like you used to when you first started dating. Just because you have a family now, doesn’t mean you have to grow up when their not around, lol.
My husband and I separating was one of the best things that happened to us. I really don’t know how things would be right now had we not take that step back to figure things out. We both felt unloved and unappreciated by one another, and at that point didn’t know how to take a step back and fix things. It’s like the old saying goes, you don’t realize what you had until it’s gone. I just count my blessings everyday we were able to get it back.
If I have one word of advise, it’s don’t forget about the person you love so dearly. Once you venture down that road it can be hard to get things back. Let’s face it when it comes to parenting, just like everything else in life. When we’re happy we do a better job. Remember you don’t have to get sucked into the daily hustle of life and leave your partner behind. Remember they’re your partner, and someone that should be beside you the entire way.
What are some things you to keep your marriage happy and healthy? What do you think a every marriage should have?
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Thank you for sharing. I just started blogging and have shared things that my husband and I have gone through that could have torn us apart, but, my recognizing where the issues were and making him aware was half the battle. I absolutely agree that communication is so very important…and not just listening to your partner, but, actually hearing what they say. It is so easy to tune yourself out when they are talking and you don’t care what they are talking about, but, it’s these times where you miss some very important things.
What an excellent post and a wonderful reminder. As bloggers I feel we get caught up online and sometimes forget about the people that truly matter. As a new blogger I have been spending a ton of time reading blogs, joining Facebook groups and forums. You post made me remember that I still need to make time for my very supportive husband.
My first marriage ended in divorce – but my second marriage was wonderful and we were happy and took good care of each other. Sadly my honey passed away with Cancer. I miss him terrigly
Thanks for telling your personal story. I’m not married, but I have to say that all of these things are important in anyone’s relationship.
I totally agree with you. Quality time is so very important. It is easy to forget thea when you have kids and a demanding life!!
Thank you for your honesty. I truly needed to read this. Our marriage is faltering and I know it isn’t all his fault and that I am part of it.
I love this post. I have been married only six months, but because of what my husband and I have had to face, its been an increasingly difficult 6 months.. Thank you for the reminder.
Haley recently posted..Easter 2013
So glad you’re back together. It really is worth sticking it out in the long run.. I am married for the 2nd time, we’ll celebrate 24 years in November. It just gets better & better.
Wow Jen what a strong woman you are!! Glad to see you have reunited. My daughter is going through a similar crisis with her hubby. I had suggested to the both of them to separate for now so they can take a look at things in a brighter perspective. I know the both share a fear of splitting up, but I assured them it will work it’s self out if it was meant to be. I am giving this post to my daughter & her husband so they can see that they are not alone & sometimes you have to give space to make things work. Your awesome Jenn, thanks!!
Having fun is sometimes the last thing we have time for but the benefits are so numerous we just make time.
First and formost I am just taking a deep breath! Ok, Well I am glad to see this be a topic, I have been through some of these same hurrdles and I am going to say it was really great to know I /we are not alone. I think it is very amazing that you shared this peice of your life with us all. Although not only did I enjoy this post but all the comments too. Thank You all.